


Medical Procedure

by abigail89



Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Comfort, M/M, Medical Procedures, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-18
Updated: 2011-10-18
Packaged: 2017-10-24 20:24:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/267531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abigail89/pseuds/abigail89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has to have a basic medical procedure and, of course, he's resisting.  Sort of.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The author deals with her own impending 'medical procedure' nerves by giving it to Jim Kirk to deal with first.

Leo enters the quarters he shares with Jim and plunks down a large plastic container on the desk.

Startled, Jim looks up from the PADD he's been furiously writing on. "What's that?"

Leo rocks back on his heels, arms folded across his chest. "You have a procedure scheduled on Thursday."

Jim scrunches up his nose. "I do?"

"Yep. You're 51. Time to do a base-line colonoscopy."

Jim looks like a man facing down a hoard of Klingons with batt'lahs. "OHFUCKNO."

"Oh, fuck yes."

He groans. "Bones, do we _have_ to do it now?"

"Hey, we won't arrive at Starbase 34 for another two weeks. There's nothing else out here except gaseous anomalies, which you claim are boring. I happen to know that's the last of the quarterly reports, since you've been bitching about nothing else for the last four days. Your crew is performing at optimal levels. In fact, they're getting a little punchy they're so bored. It's the perfect time to do this." Leo is pleased with his air-tight logic; Spock would be proud.

Jim rubs his face and groans again. "Fuck. All right."

"So tomorrow, no solid food, only clear liquids and broths. At 1700 hours you start drinking the laxative I have so helpfully brought to you. Then at 0200 you drink the rest of the laxative and at 0800 I'll check your intestines." Leo pushes aside the pile of PADDs and sits on the desk. "I could just use the tricorder, but since this is the first one, we'll do it old school. Really do a good look-see around."

Jim looks at him warily. "And what, exactly, entails _old school_?"

Leo gives him a wolfish grin. "I get to run a flexible 2 centimeter round hose with a camera up your ass."

Jim scoffs, then leers. "Is that all? Hell, you're at least 5 times that." He tries to go for Leo's crotch but gets blocked. "I was paying you a compliment!"

"Well, thanks _so much_ , Jim."

"So, no food at all?" He's pouting.

"Nope. But you do get to eat all the popsicles you want."

"Can I fellate a popsicle while you run the tube up my ass? It'll be like I'm doing a double."

Leo rolls his eyes. "For the love of...if you want. It's a medical procedure, not a porn show."

Jim rises from the chair and leans over to kiss his husband. "Care to demonstate that medical procedure on me? I'll let you run your tube up my ass right now."

Leo sighs. "May as well since you're gonna get cleaned out anyway."

"That's the spirit!" He grabs Leo's hands and tugs him off the desk and towards the bedroom. "I love it when you ream me out."

Leo shakes his head and grins. "Only person I know who's happy to get a colonoscopy."


	2. Revenge of the Colon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim has a good attitude about things. Finally.

'Fuck, I don't think I can drink any more of this shit,' Jim Kirk murmurs mutinously to himself. 'An entire _liter_ of this garbage?? Who thought this was a good idea?'

It's 0335, and he's been drinking since 0200.

Still, he gulps down another mouthful of the...well, not totally _un_ pleasant liquid laxative Bones has prescribed. But it sure doesn't taste yummy. Then, he takes a swig of apple juice and the weird aftertaste disappears. 'Computer, set timer for 15 minute reminder.'

 _'You must drink another 8 ounces in 15 minutes.'_

'Thanks.' Woefully, Jim looks at the generous amount still left in the now-hated plastic jug. 'Bleh.'

*~*

Leonard awakens to the sound of Jim groaning. He sits up and rolls out of the to poke his head in the bathroom. 'Y'all right there?

Jim is sitting on the commode, head in hands. 'Yeah. I feel like I've taken up residence on the john.'

Leonard smiles in sympathy. 'Means the laxative is doing the job.'

'Ugh.'

*~*

At 0730, Leonard walks Jim to medical bay where Chapel is waiting in a small procedure room. 'Good morning, Captain,' she says brightly.

Jim gives her a weak smile. 'I've been up since 0200. It's already been a day.'

"How are you feeling?'

'Waterlogged and yet strangely empty.' Jim sits on the biobed and wriggles around.

'Here--take off all your clothes and we'll get started,' she says briskly handing him a small bundle. 'You want a little something to take the edge off?"

Jim considers, then looks at Leonard who merely shrugs. ''Either way is fine, but you'd be more comfortable with the valium.'

Ordinarily, Jim would do without, but today he's apprehensive and tense. "Can I have like half what you'd give someone else?'

Leonard nods. 'Of course. Just enough to relax you. You'll spring back in no time.'

Jim puts on a backless medical gown while Chapel fusses over him, covering his legs with a warming blanket and then getting instruments ready for the colonoscopy. He sighs as he snuggles under the blanket.

Leo is there with a hypo of valium. 'This'll be over in 20 minutes, tops,' he says. He depresses the hypo to Jim's neck.

Jim feels the effects almost immediately, a pleasant, floaty, fuzzy warmth. 'Ok, Bones. I'm ready for those 17,000 miles of tubing to go up my ass.'

Leo laughs as he pulls the instrument table to the biobed and then orders the computer to sterilize the field. 'Not quite that much, but you're not gonna feel a thing.

Jim yawns and smiles. 'I want pictures.'

*~*

True to his word, Leo has Jim sitting up, smiling and drinking a cup of coffee forty minutes later. 'Can I have a doughnut this morning, Bones, since I did so well?'

The doctor rolls his eyes, but smiles indulgently. 'Just this once.'

Jim pumps a fist in victory; Chapel pats him on the head and leaves the 'bay for the mess.

'Everything looks just great, Jim,' Leo says, studying the images on the computer screen. 'No polyps or fissures of any kind. Your colon is pretty huge, but I could've told you that having done abdominal surgery on you too many times. I'll make a note in your file to add a little extra prep time to accommodate the extra length.'

Jim waves a hand and grins. 'Nothing but awesome, eh? Big enough to take all of you."

"Stop it."

Jim laughs as Leo blushes. "Can I go back to our quarters? I need a nap.'

A doughnut (two in fact--Chapel is awesome like that) and another cup of coffee later, Jim & Leo head back to their quarters. 'Think I'll take a nap with you,' Leo says. 'Every time you went to the head, I woke up.'

Jim laughs. 'That's what you get for making me do that. Revenge of the colon!'

Leo ruffles Jim's hair. 'Just think, we get to do this in another 5 years.'

Jim drops to the bed and tugs off his boots. 'We'll _maybe_ you get to do another in 5 years,' he says, yawning. He lays on the bed, and pulls the duvet around him. A few more sighs and he drifts off to sleep.

Leo grins at his sleeping husband, but doesn't argue. He knows he'll win in the end.


End file.
